Parenting the Defiant Child

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Common Evaluation:

Young children who may have been born with a hard temperament or some sort of biological predisposition, seem to have an increased risk for defiant and oppositional behavior toward parents (Frick & Morris, 2004). According to Hawkins et al. (2000), youngsters who at an early age display on going stubbornness, agitation, poor behaviors and difficulties are at a higher risk of future psychiatric diagnoses and becoming offending adults.

As a societal situation, defiance, oppositional and conduct disorder has not been focused on as a childhood crisis. The focus has been on dilemmas relating to foster care, special education, teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, high school drop out rates and youth suicides. The lack of concentrate on defiance and oppositionalism is witnessed in funding level disparity. In 1990, the typical price of treating defiance was only $15,000 per youth (Foster & Jones, 2006). This is much less than the $25,000-$40,000 per year spent to service a single youth placed in foster care or residential programming.

When school-age kids often display counter-productive behaviors, the entire household and school setting can be disrupted. At the core of most disruptive behaviors displayed by children are an unhealthy will need for control, inappropriate levels of anger, and a common disregard for others. These and other disruptive behaviors lead us to label the child as defiant. Defiant behaviors are frequently the by-item of other concerns going on in the life of a child. The defiance is a response or attempt to resolve inner conflicts.

In the counseling field, the recurrent pattern of negativity, denial, and placing blame is referred to as oppositional defiant disorder. This disorder also features a child's choice to test limits, violate social/household norms, invade the individual space/standard rights of other people, defy rules, argue, annoy and resort to hostility and manipulation as a indicates of functioning. By far, the defiant child is 1 of the most difficult young children to parent.

Parenting Perspective:

To steer clear of undue levels of frustration and anguish, it behooves parents to have an understanding of that defiance by a child is a option. The pressure for a parent to carry out or fix the difficulties presented by the child is addressed by first realizing that in a "perfect globe or when given every little thing they desire," the defiant child may perhaps nonetheless pick to be a thorn in the flesh. The parenting goal is not to give in or to become frustrated rather the objective is to address the child's rage, indignation, and wrath.

Six Parenting Actions:

There are a variety of "consistent" steps that parents can take to address a child's defiance.

Step #1: Understand You Are Not Alone

The initially step for parents to take is to realize that they are not alone. In my years of private practice counseling, I have found that when parents genuinely understand that they are not alone, their level of frustration decreases even just before improved childhood behaviors are witnessed. I uncover myself regularly informing parents that "You are not alone. There are millions of wonderful parents through out the world experiencing the exact same level of defiance from their child."

Childhood defiance is a world-wide predicament. In a current study, Rescola et al (2007) reported on teacher's reports of the behavioral and emotional difficulties of 30,000 students from 21 countries. The countries in the study included Thailand, Italy, China, Portugal, Denmark, U.S.A., and Greece. The teachers reported on defiance, thought issues, social issues, perfectionism, task completion, anxiety, depression, impulsiveness, non-compliance, etc. They reported that all the young children had comparable property and school related problems.

The investigation study referred to drives household the point that as a parent, you are not the only 1 parenting a defiant child.

Step #two: Expose The Root

The second step is to expose the root cause of a child's behaviors. No one likes to be exposed. It is a highly uncomfortable feeling. A very good solid heart-to-heart speak with a child regarding the trigger and root of their defiance sets the tone for improved childhood behaviors. The act of exposing lets the child know that their "issues" have been identified and a program of action is being developed. The act of exposing also implies to the child that the expectation is for them to "surrender" and to do superior.

Step #three: Displace The Anger

The third step for parents to take is assisting the child in replacing their anger, rage and displeasure with forgiveness and peace. This is a crucial step that can take a even though to establish due to the fact defiance nearly acts and functions as if the child has been "poisoned" with insatiable requirements. I have located that such "poisoning" needs intentional and on-going discussions with the child concerning moving on emotionally, not holding grudges, accepting others and their faults, and so on.

Step #four: The Use of Consequences

The fourth step for parents to take is imposing consequences. When implemented consistently, consequences have the capacity to help children boost their behaviors. The most powerful consequences for the defiant child are not getting grounded, removal of privileges or public embarrassment. Rather, I have located that consequences that stretch the child past their comfort zone are useful. Also, I have located that consequences that create the "feeling" of disappointing other people, remorse, and apathy/empathy are effective in curbing defiant behaviors.

Step #5: Parent Training

The fifth step for parents to take is to secure more training. I have identified that parent training and securing new facts accounts for significantly more than 30 percent of the answer to childhood defiance. According to Kazdin and Whitley (2006) and Hughes and Obeldobel (2007), an powerful parent training class functions instruction and activities on predicament solving, parental adjustment, and marital/singlehood satisfaction.

The enrollment in parenting training opportunities is a hard step for parents to take. Some parents describe such an act as humiliating, unnecessary, beneath them and filled with empty promises. I have found that this could or may not be true. Then again, it only stands to reason that if driver's education classes, ministerial training and life guard classes are a required "evil" and help to provide competence, then surely a parenting class here and there would be beneficial to parents.

For critical circumstances, I have discovered myself supplying parents with 1-on-1 parenting classes. The focus of these intense and pretty useful sessions tend to be the parent's own level of depression, childhood trauma, stressors, communication style, etc.

Step #6: Eliminate Socioeconomic Barriers

The sixth step for parents to take is possibly the most complicated. To efficiently parent and resolve a child's defiance and oppositionalism, socioeconomic barriers such as poverty and poor housing need to be addressed by parents. The defiant child has a need to see their parents making concerted efforts to break the grip and sting of insufficient income, unstable housing, frequent moving, unstable parental relationships, violence and crime.

Certain Parenting Techniques:

I would be remiss to not give specific parenting methods that can be implemented. I utilize these techniques with my own kids and with the young children at our neighborhood church.

< Teach them how to negotiate their emotions and experiences < Show them how to delay the want for immediate gratification < Impress upon them the require to feel, emote, and process < Share with them human nature tendencies and self-preservation < Talk about with them how to self-regulate and calm themselves down < At an early age, assist them to communicate their hurts, needs and desires < Encourage them to challenge-solve and move forward < Share with them how to construct wholesome relationships with other people < Introduce them to acts of kindness and gentleness

References:

Foster, Damon & Jones, Damon. (2006). "The High Cost of Aggression: Public Expenditures Resulting From Conduct Disorder." American Journal of Public Well being, 95, (10), p. 145-178.

Frick, P.J. & Morris, A.S. (2004). "Temperament and developmental pathways to conduct complications." Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology. 33, p. 54-68.

Hawkins, J.D., Herrenkohl, T.I., Farrington, D.P., Brewer, D., Catalano, R.F. Harachi, T.W. & Cothern, L. (2000). "Predictors of Youth Violence (Juvenile Justice Bulletin NCJ 179065). Rockville, MD: Juvenile Justice Clearinghouse.

Hughes, Tammy & Obeldobel, Erinn. (2007). "Evaluation of Helping the Noncompliant Child: Family members-based Remedy for Oppositional Behavior." School Psychology Quarterly, 22 (3), p. 289-295.

Kazdin, Alan & Whitley, Moria. (2006). "Comorbidity, Case Complexity, and Effects of Evidence-Based Treatment for Youngsters Referred for Disruptive Behavior." Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 74 (three), p. 455-467.

Rescorla, L.A., Achenbach, T.M., Ginzburg, S., Ivanova, M., Dumenci, L., Almqvist, F., Bathiche, M., Bilenberg, N., Bird, H., Domuta, A., Nese, F., Onbonne, E., Fonseca, A., Frigerio, A., Kanbayashi, Y., Lambert, Mi., Xianchen, L., Leung, P., Minaei, A. &

Roussos, A. (2007). "Consistency of teacher-Reported Troubles for Students in 21 Countries." School Psychology. 36, (1), p. 122-145.

Taylor, Ted, Burns, Leonard & Foster, Michael. (2006). "Oppositional Defiant Disorder Toward Adults and Oppositional Defiant Disorder Towards Peers: Initial Evidence for Two Separate Constructs." Psychological Assessment. 18, (4), p. 439-443.

"Parenting the Defiant Child" By Recco S. Richardson, Ph.D., MA, LPC Board Certified Expert Counselor Flint, MI Copyright 2008 Recco S. Richardson Consulting, Inc.This publication is protected. People might print or download the content of this publication only for their personal use.